Monday, June 25, 2007

The world stopped being interesting

the day I was born. I am convinced of it.

This is Joan Baez in 1965 dazzling the world with her interpretation of Bob Dylan's "It ain't me, babe." This is what America's sweetheart used to be like before I was born.

Who do we have as America's sweetheart these days? Britney Spears? Paris Hilton? Bleh....

Can you think anyone who is as beautiful AND talented today as Joan Baez was (and is)? And can still mesmerize us without showing a lot of cleavage?

An important update on my Nightguard situation

Turned out that I was not using it properly (thanks JRA). Followed the instruction to mold it with boiling water and it now fits very nicely.

If my previous blog entry somehow consoled you into thinking that you are not alone with an oversized mouth, I'm sorry. You are alone and I will not commiserate with you. You have a big mouth and I don't.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Do you remember DOS?

Have you taken a peek at the computers used, not sold at Fry's Electronics, CompUSA, or Micro Center?

Next time shop there, walk up to the customer service department and check out the inventory system that they use to look up something or process returned merchandise.

At the three retail electronics stores mentioned above in my neck of woods, I saw workers use antiquated DOS based inventory systems on black and white screens.

If you know what DOS is, you are better off keeping your mouth shut unless you don't mind showing your age. Let's just say that the last time I actively used DOS based software applications was back when George Bush Sr. was president and most Americans had not heard of Bill Clinton and before Microsoft became a household name.

The Internet? Are you kidding me? I was blown away by FAX.

Many who work at these stores are barely out of high school, and these kids who have to deal with these out dated programs were either being born or barely out of diapers back then.

And here is the delicious irony if you haven't picked up on it. These retailers' sole mission is to get you to spend your hard earned dollars on the latest and greatest of modern technology, but yet they seem to be doing fine with their Stone Age tools. Hmmm...

This reminds me of the guy who ran the weight loss clinic next to the health club I used to work out at. Here was a guy making a living out of advising people on how to lose weight and get into shape, but yet I bet you he never turned down a box of donuts in his life. Or the family therapist I heard about. His own marriage was on the rocks. He was on his third.


Speaking of weight loss, I just picked up a new client. No, I am not a weight loss coach. I will be doing contract programming for a company that runs weight loss clinics all over Southern California.

The client gave me a copy of their flagship book called Lean For Life for me to read and learn about the weigh loss programs which I need to be familiar with for the software project. The cover features the company's slogans along with a picture of the CEO who I must say is very attractive.

I've been carrying around the book almost everywhere. When I visit my other clients, I place the book prominently on the desk for maximum visibility. I may even take it along with my Bible to church.

'Oh, David. What are you doing with a book about weight loss? You don't need it. You are so fine.'

Nobody has ever said anything like that to me so far. I don't get it.

People, I AM NOT FAT. Seriously.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Doctor's® NightGuard

Congratulations on my purchase of The Doctor's® NightGuard.

I don't know whether I grind my teeth or not, and since nobody shares the bedroom with me, I don't have anyone to describe my sleep habits to me. But it is better to err on the side of caution. My mouth is home to three crowns and four fillings and even though they appear to be firmly in place, stress and pressure from grinding over time will inevitably compromise their integrity.

The aforementioned product is a moldable plastic guard designed to fit over the upper teeth. It comes in three sizes in accordance with the person's height.

Small: under 5'6"
Medium: 5'6" to 5'11"
Large: 6'0" and above

Since at 5'7", I fall into the medium category, I bought one of that size.

Brought it home, retrieved the guard from the package and tried it on. According to the manual, the arms of the protector should reach the last of my back teeth, but they are one short on on both sides. And also the U shape seems a bit too narrow to fit the arch of my teeth.

It's too small.

I don't know how to take that. This is quite unsettling.

What do YOU think of me now that you know that I have a big mouth not just in a figurative sense? Are we still friends?

I need a hug.

Monday, June 18, 2007


I abhor the smell of cinnamon.

Eating cinnamon flavored food is one thing, but smelling it when I am not eating it makes my stomach churn. I would rather choose the stench from rotten eggs over cinnamon flavored fragrance from incense sticks or air fresheners. There is nothing more repulsive than chewing cinnamon gum to mask bad breath, which my college roommate did more than two decades ago.

It still haunts me. It got so bad that I actually looked forward to his flatulence.

You may be perplexed enough to ask why I don't mind eating cinnamon while detesting its smell. Let me ask you this. You wouldn't mind the pungent garlic smell while dining at a Chinese restaurant, would you? But how would you like garlic flavored gum or air fresheners?

Today, people at the car wash deluged the interior of my car with a powerful aroma of cinnamon. I asked for lemon. LEMON, people, LEMON. Not cinnamon.