Wednesday, November 03, 2004

An Utterly Useless Story

Went to the evening service and had a interesting, albeit insignificant experience there. As I made my way down the aisle in search of a seat, the first available one was next to a lady who occupied the first chair adjacent to the aisle. Here is the visual.

aisle(woman)( )( )(some dude).

Each set of parentheses represents a chair. Just like most non-denominational churches that avoid traditional church furniture such as the organ,a large mahogany pulpit and other things, my church is equipped with interlocked chairs neatly arranged into rows and columns, not pews. So as you can see, there were two empty chairs between the lady and the dude.

This kind of seating arrangement presents a quandary forcing the new arrival to pick which person to sit next to. Unlike a pew, I couldn't pick an arbitrary spot to sit on, so I had no choice but to choose a victim. No, I wouldn't pick the exact mid point to avoid having to invade someone's personal space as a workaround to the dilemma. It's uncomfortable and my fanny isn't that big yet. Besides hogging more than one chair while people were still arriving wouldn't be a cool thing to do.

So I picked the one closest to the aisle and next to the woman. So here is an updated snop shot.

aisle(woman)(me)( )(some dude)

A few seconds later, to my astonishment, the woman abruptly got up, moved a few rows back and found herself another chair. Huh? I took a shower that day. Even brushed my teeth.

After taking a few moments to compose myself, I realized that she had a huge wedding ring on. So she must have reasoned that she and I looked like a couple attending the church service together.

I am thinking about spending the next few days composing an exhaustive algorithm to help fellow single church goers like myself determine which chair to pick under various given sets of circumstances. If I had taken some time to think about the ramifications of sitting next to a married woman which resulted in her having to relocate, I definitely would have taken the chair next to that dude. But how about this. What would a guy do?

aisle(married woman)( )( )(married woman).

Morals to this utterly useless story?
- Bring back the pews. Give me that old time religion!
- Go to church on time.
- Find myself a girlfriend to go to church with.


At November 04, 2004 6:14 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

a.) I have never, NEVER heard that hymn before!
b.) I think you're a big dork (but a funny, big dork) for thinking about making an algorithym (I can't even spell it!) to help you in finding a place to sit in church.
c.) I think that woman just had problems. I say you try to sit by her in every church service from here on out.

At November 04, 2004 10:46 PM, Blogger David Cho said...

a.) You are kidding me. You haven't hear that hymn before? I thought it was pretty well known. Or maybe it's a dorky hymn known only amongst dorks. Dorks For Jesus!
b.) Oh the algorithm. Well, it is a real problem that I am sure others have pondered upon. I will write one up and submit it to my pastor.
c.) I understand her. We looked like a couple with nobody immediately next to us. Don't you think so? Are you trying to get me arrested for stalking?

At November 06, 2004 4:12 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

Wasn't there ANYwhere else to sit besides those two seats? I would've stood in the back rather than choose.

At December 06, 2004 8:07 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

I've heard that hymn before. For some reason, I always expect it to have a bit more pep. Maybe on account of that "Gimme That Old Time Rock and Roll" song. As far as the strange woman in church goes - maybe _she_ smelled, and didn't want anyone to sit close enough to notice. It's weird that that happened in church; this sort of thing usually happens on the subway. If you do make an Public Seating Algorythm, I think it might prove to be an invaluable tool for Mass Transit riders, in addition to churchgoers.

Re your coments on my blog: Sorry about that link problem. I've fixed it. I should have made it clearer before. Especially since you don't want to know how many times I've accidentally gone to that URL instead of my blog on a public computer.

At January 14, 2005 2:29 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Oh my gosh! First of all, I have to say she's the one with the problem. You have the right to sit next to a woman, yes, even a married woman. The presence or absence of a ring on the third finger of the left hand does not make you any more or less worthy of sitting next to any other person on earth. If that's truly why she moved, I say all the better for you! Who wants to be near someone with such hang-ups while worshipping and learning in church. Can you imagine what her life must be like? She must hardly ever get to sit-----there are a lot of single people in the world.

Ok, now let me give her the benefit of the doubt. Let's say she was saving that chair for her husband or friend and was too shy to say anything when you sat down. Let's say, coincidentally enough, that she remembered she needed to sit closer to the door.

In either case, the situation's problem rests wholly on her and has nothing to do with you or where you sat. :-)

At November 05, 2005 7:56 PM, Blogger A thinker said...

this is hilarious

At September 15, 2006 9:32 AM, Blogger rubyslipperlady said...

Love that hymn.


Post a Comment

<< Home